Sigh.  Ever had a reminder of something in your life?  Im talking a reminder you voluntarily undergo, and reminds you of a horrifically painful thing?  For me its a trio of movies (trio at this point, im sure as time goes on it will grow), that always make me feel depressed as hell and lonely to watch, but that I own in multiple formats, and probably will keep watching every few weeks for the rest of my life.  You wouldn’t think you could wear out a DVD thru watching, but something tells me im going to put that idea to the test.

In a kinda convoluted (my word, you can substitute your own) way I believe in a major part of some religions, without actually believing the religion.  Penance is an idea that appeals to me a lot more than it should (I think… who is to say what idea is the right/wrong appeal).  And its just such a good concept, atleast for me.  But then again, maybe its just a trick my mind uses to keep me from taking risks.  If im to busy atoning for a previous sin, I dont have time to commit a new one.

Warrants further though.  Either way, if your in my area next Tuesday swing on by.  I have popcorn, and we can watch a movie I can quote near every line in by heart. (note, scary internet stalkers do NOT swing by.  It was a metaphore)

In my day to day life I have a lot of chances to learn things (wether or not I want to).  One of those important lessons I have learned recently came from a most un-expected source.  A silly little TV show I used to enjoy that went by the name of “Eureka”  I stopped watching it for a few years for what should be obvious reasons, but for reasons unknown last night I actually flipped to the channel and started watching at the exact second one of the main characters is uttering the phrase “You can’t always be the good guy.”  Now, I have no idea the context of it (and from there the show degraded into a romero-esc knock-off), but on just the surface, its quite an interesting idea.  And the more I roll it around in my mind, the most sense it makes.  For years I have tried to always be that guy, and to make it work, even when being the good guy meant doing some things that were very… wrong (but for good reasons).  But in the end it always catches up with you.  You can only outrun a wall of fire for so long (though, the myth busters proved that is a disturbingly long time), before it rises up and burns your ass off.  Plus, and this is something I have come to realize is just as true as we wish it wasnt… nice guys really do finish last.  Sure, we finish in the end, but long behind everyone else.  Be a gentleman, get used as a doormat.  Be a prick, get the girl every time.

That and I actually heard the phrase “Tanked in a Tutu”  today in a large group of people.  An ex-ballerena describing a bad time in her life.  Not really one of those things I know how to respond to.

Im sure there is a lesson in all of this im supposed to learn, but damned if I have any idea what.

BLAH.  Last few days have been really rough.  Staying up far to late and being woken up far to early.  Hurting myself ripping apart rooms (though, there is a special kind of feeling one gets when you kick down a wall), and getting sore muscles in places that well… I didn’t know I had muscles.  Though, despite all that, its been a quite enjoyable few days (physically.  Mentally a whole different ball of wax, but thats neither here nor there).

In related news, I have decided to apply to law school.  I know, its kinda a different path that what I had picked before but… well, what can I say.  Something about it just feels right.  Not sure what seeing as it means 5 years for just the basic degree (part time.. only 3 years if I quit work to go to school, but no-way I can afford to do that), a large amount of debt, and me kissing my social life/free time goodbye for the next 10 years or so but….  So I am registered to take the LSAT (step 1) in early October…. oh this should be interesting.  From the practice test it doesn’t seem so bad, but it might be that having spent 4 years in college already I am used to odd questions.  Either way… this is either the best, or the worst idea I have ever had in my life.

On the title… For those of you who don’t know, Indiana state law allows for those individuals who have gone thru the paperwork and background checks (both federal and local) to carry a gun with them (in a concealed or open manor, at the individuals digression).  There are a few exceptions as to where you can’t carry, but barring federal building and schools just about everything in is (please please please read the laws yourself, I take NO responsibility).  That said, a large chunk of the population does not know this.  And when you carry you need to be prepared for MWAG (Man With A Gun) calls to the police.  Normally they handle it well (sending an officer to check permits), but occasionally… well..